I liken my life to a crazy quilt. You never know what size or color the next block will be, what print or fabric it will be made from or which stitch, ribbon or charm it will be adorned with.

Welcome to my crazy-quilt life. Hopefully my blog is a reflection of that & me!

Enjoy your visit.

Check out my farm blog too! http://serenitysheepfarmstay.blogspot.com/

Thursday, December 11, 2014

Sometimes I come here just to put my thoughts somewhere. I don't always publish them for the world to see, but it's good to get them out of my head and into black and white, a reference point to go back to.

Sunday, November 23, 2014

All for Love!

Much is being celebrated this week in Montana as it is now legal for gays to get married. I don't have a problem with that at all and as a matter of fact, many of those shown in the paper and on the news I count as my friends.
I've said it before that it's ironic to me that a lot of the heterosexuals want to live together these days and the gays want to get married. I think if 2 people love each other enough to make a commitment, they should be able to! The couples cited in the news here had all been in long-term relationships together. I think it will be interesting, as time goes on, to see what their divorce rate will be. I heard just the other day that more than 50% of marriages end in divorce these days. Heteros really don't have it down now do they? So you want to quote me the Bible? Look up divorce. Look up cheating on your spouse.
Remember The Golden Rule. It knows no bounds, crosses all religions, creeds, colors, sexes, etc.
I am all for love!

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Trying To Make Sense Of It All

As I drove home last evening, I pondered a thought that the whole world is mourning. And then I tried to recall when another human left this earth that had made such an impact on the masses. I honestly couldn't come up with one who truly touched as many lives. Laughter is a powerful thing and when someone makes you laugh, you don’t soon forget. Robin Williams was a genius comedian, loved the world over.

I am confused with my emotions. I did not know this man personally. Like most of you, I didn’t know all of the little quirks of this master-mind. We only know what we saw on the screen. Behind the scenes, we have come to realize, was quite another matter. How could we know his pain or suffering? How could anyone of us have helped? We couldn’t, yet I find myself wishing I could. If only….if only…the words haunt me from another time.

Ten years ago I knew very little about mental illness or what it is to be bi-polar, the manic highs and the deep, dark lows, depression that hits you like a wall and stops you cold. No one talked about it. No one really knew much about it but little by little it is revealing itself to the world. What an absolute tragic way for the world to open up to mental illness and depression. Will it take the death of someone well-known for each of us to finally open our minds and hearts and give compassion?

I was alone with my thoughts this morning which gave me time to think about those who suffer from addiction and mental illness. It seems the two can go hand-in-hand. What causes one person to be drawn to drugs and alcohol? Is it the rush? Is it a coping mechanism? Are those synapses causing such great havoc up there that one must seek out something foreign to calm them? Why one person and not the other?
We do know that over-use of drugs and alcohol can have adverse effects on the brain. I have a friend who is a caretaker for his brother because he literally fried his brains on drugs after the Vietnam War and now has drug-induced schizophrenia. There’s also an alcohol-induced form of Alzheimer’s. My Aunt had Alzheimer’s. She got to a point where she was no longer herself. Her body was the same, but her mind was not. She was no longer the person we all knew and loved, just a shell of what once was. Alzheimer’s is a disease of the brain, as is bi-polar and other forms of depression. I have to believe that once a disease of the brain takes hold with its powerful grip, you are no longer the person you once were. You do not have control over what your brain is telling you.

No one knows what torment Robin Williams suffered. No one knows unless they’ve been there. I have to believe that he and countless others like him have reached the point of no control, for they would not choose to cause such heart ache to loved ones left behind who wonder why.
God speed Mr. Williams.

Friday, January 10, 2014

January Haiku -

Jan 1, 2014

New year, new goals, strive.
Contemplate the positive.
Only looking forth.

Jan 2
White, calm, quiet, still.
Chickadees sing "chick-a-dee".
Montana Winter.

Jan 3
Roaring through the trees
Uncertain what it heralds
Wind awakens me

Jan 4

Contractions, birth, joy, daughter!
My Chickie-doodle!

Jan 5
Cold, wind, snow, long johns.
Not a cold front any more.

Jan 6
Tails wag, licking tongues.
Awake with energy, romp!
A canine morning.

Jan 7
Lovely drive, sunshine.
Friends, create, inspiration.
A welcome reprieve.

Jan 8

Brrr! It's cold, prepared?
Freezing temps in all fifty.
Montana chuckles!

Jan 9

Sleep was not for me.
Besides being very warm,
Snore, snore, snore, snore, snore.

Jan 10

Don't take for granted
Love today, you do not know
What tomorrow holds

Jan 11
Strive to do your best
Each day brings challenges new
Good, bad, persevere!

Jan 12

Endeavor to be
the admirable you see
in those who inspire

Jan 13
Caught in what if's, why's,
I forgot to live today.
No more excuses.

Jan 14
No thinking today
Cannot do this Haiku thing
My head is pounding

Jan 15

Quiet, coffee, still.
No light over the mountains.
Winter mornings lag.

Jan 16

Cold, wolf, whirling wind,
Stay inside, freezing, winter.
Full moon names this month!

Big cold, quiet, ice.
These are names of the full moon.
Stay inside, cooking!

Jan 17

Life is fragile, short.
Don't be afraid to say it.
"I love you" today.

Wednesday, January 1, 2014


I've been having fun doing haiku lately. Part of the "Do something for me" thing!
I really enjoy it for many reasons. I want to keep track of them, so I will do it here.

Dec. 23

Expectations peak.
Tempers flare and nerves spread thin.
Over in a flash.

A wise woman, who is my elder and a new sage spirit in my life, suggested I do a haiku every morning to get and keep the brain moving. It really does!
Sunday Morning Haiku

Sabbath morning wakes.
Sunday is serenity.
Calm, quiet, coffee.

Winter Solstice

Longest night, dark, snow.
Solstice comes, soul and soil rest.
Sunlight beckons still.

Dec 24

Howling wind of dark
No silent night to usher
Christmas Eve morning

Dec 25 Haiku

Parents sleepyheads
Kids bright-eyed and bushy-tailed
Welcome Christmas morn.

Dec. 26

Wads of wrapping, bows.
Leftovers stacked in the fridge.
Cleanup is sluggish.

When talking about friends and friendship, this was my response to a woman who, IMO, was putting too much thought into friendships:
I am a total wing nut. I wing it! I wing everything. Come as it may and deal with it all later, just like the shit piles in the coop and barn. It's truly gold, you know. It only looks like crap. Under it all there's so much life and possibility. You just have to sift through it after it sits and composts a bit. There's a little work involved in shoveling and composting, but the end result is really worth the effort.

Dec 27
Kids back on the road.
Foggy carbohydrate brain.
Routine beckons me.

On the road again.
Time flies when your having fun.
See you soon momma!!

Dec 28
Howling through the trees
Loud, nerves on edge, uneasy.
Branches dancing, wind.

Dec 29

Crisp, cold, hoar frost shines.
Serenity Sunday wakes.
Toasty fire, coffee!

Dec 30
Monday's here dragging.
Back to the grind with duress.
Hump Day Holiday!

Dec 31

Pause, reflect, farewells.
Father Time heartens let go.
Bid '13 adieu!

Friday, November 29, 2013

Thanksgiving 2013

Words cannot completely describe my day yesterday. I did something I've always wanted to do and that is open our home to anyone who might like to share our meal. Traditionally my mom hosted T-day and when my step dad passed away, she passed the torch to Juliana. With Juliana and Johnathan now in Portland, I really wasn't looking forward to this Thanksgiving.
My plan was hatched at the last winter farmer's market. I purchased items from my friends who sell there to have for our meal. At least then a little bit of them would be at my table too. My desire grew to have the most local meal I could possibly provide. Then I realized it would just be us. Chris, Kelly, Mom, Ray and myself. I am fortunate because I see these people frequently, if not every day, but let's face it, we're a little boring.
I posted an invite here on my face book page and invited anyone! Our table seats 10 comfortably and we had 10 at the table! It was really meant to be.
It was such a great joy to share all of the local harvest with everyone here and to know our kids in Portland were in kind and loving hands with good friends.
The conversations were interesting and lively, the laughter was abundant and soothed my soul. The new faces at our table were a blessing. My heart is full!

Friday, November 15, 2013

30 Day Simplicity Training for Women

I joined the gym! Yup! I saw an ad in the local paper for a 30-day Simplicity Training for Women and it happened to be in Manhattan, which is closer for me than actually going to Bozeman. There are gyms in Belgrade, but the ad appealed to me for many reasons. Thirty days. I can take 30 days for ME and do something really positive.
So I am at the end of week one. We meet just 2 evenings a week and we're given "homework" for 3 more. I decided I wanted to write down some of my thoughts during this process so that if just one person reads it and finds inspiration, maybe my words will help.
Day 1 was interesting. We warmed up and then our workout was just 12 minutes long. It's a modified version of cross fit training. Day 2 I was sort of sore and day 3, look out! Sitting down and getting back up again REALLY hurt. I developed this pain in my back below my left shoulder that hurt like mad when I tried to roll over in bed or breathe deeply. I think it's actually just a muscle that is coming back to life after years of little use. I am right -handed and I guess I didn't realize just how much I don't use my left side.

I want to touch on a few thoughts that have been rolling around in my head. It's awkward to let other people see you work out when you're out of shape. I absolutely HATE the fact that I know so many people at the gym. Manhattan is a small town and I know A LOT of people. I am having a hard time coming to terms with this aspect of it. I think it's because of conversations I've had with other people on the subject. "I could never join a gym! I don't want people looking at me" they'd say. Well, what I have found is that they're all there to work out, not to look at you!

There are 5 ladies in the group. Only one is under 50, so that makes it nice. The trainer is super nice and very gentle on us. He's got a helper who watches to make sure we're in position properly too. The exercises of today are not the same we did in gym class! Chin ups, sit ups, push ups are all different. They all still hurt! lol I've done "planks" and "kettle bells", words I've only heard before. This is all new to me!

Oct. 29
I know I am sleeping better with these workouts, that's for sure.
Yesterday I had to go to Manhattan, so I stopped off at the gym to put in 30 minutes. I wound up staying for almost an hour and rode the bike 10 miles. I am still in awe that I could go that far. It's encouraging.
It was really difficult walking into that place alone, knowing my class mates were not there. As it turned out, the trainer was there and he was encouraging. Yes, I knew 90% of the people there! It's very awkward for me.

Oct. 31
Finished up week 2. What a difference a week makes. Robin, the youngest in the class, promised us last week that this week would be better. She's been at it a week longer than the rest of us. Tonight the gym was practically empty, which I like. Well, with the exception of a couple of guys who were apparently weigh-lifting or something. I honestly think they were there to either look at themselves in the mirror or to be seen or both. It was odd. I was about to ask the trainer what was up with the loiterers!
I sweated more tonight and was out of breath for a bit. It was a tough workout for me, but I got through!
We have homework too! On the days we don't work out, the trainer gives us homework. We can go to the gym if we want or do it at home. Today I did laps around the outside of the shop. lol We get the weekends off! YAY!

Here it is Nov. 15. Our 30 day-training has ended. I feel much stronger in a lot of areas and I am glad I did this. It's amazing what a little bit of weights can do, especially if you have someone show you the proper way to use them.

Last night I actually took note of my confidence walking in the gym. I didn't care who was in there! I have formed friendships with my class mates and trainers and it has been a fun thing. Of course I had to sprinkle in my own brand of fun in the class too! For Halloween I gave them each a treat bag with a tea bag inside. "Good Mood Tea"! :-) And on Thursday of last week when the trainer was gone, I brought a hula hoop for his assistant and we threatened him with a hula hoop work out if he was too hard on us. It was all in fun and he did very well! He even did chin ups while twirling the hoop on one leg! Impressive! So I brought it back Tuesday for the trainer and we had more fun!

I really have only kept track of my feelings here so I could go back and see progress. If this inspires anyone to try the gym, all the better. I never thought I would be one of those "gym people", but it helps to keep you focused and on track. I will continue. The program now goes to 3 nights a week (or 5:30 am....no thank you!). I will continue with class 2 nights, but right now I can't work at the mill on Wednesdays and go directly to the gym. I am not physically there. We'll see what the future brings!

December 18 update!
Last week I was really discouraged that I still hurt so bad after workouts. It's not right after or even the day after. It's the second day after, which is the same day we work out again. This week I am MUCH improved! It does get better. It just takes time. I am feeling so much stronger, my range of motion is better and I have more stamina at the gym. I am lucky to have a great bunch to work out with. I think that really does matter!
And...I am working at the mill AND going to the gym on Wednesdays! I can do it!